I’m lucky. I started violin lessons at 5 years old and really didn’t have much to worry about when it came to making those tough and early decisions, like: Where do we find the money for lessons? Which teacher should we choose? Where in the world do we find a violin for a 5-year old kid that weighs 35 pounds? (I’m not even kidding, I weighed 35 lbs in Kindergarten. Stray alley cats weigh more than that). The two people who did have to consider such things were my mom and dad, and somehow, someway, they made the right decisions.
Recently I began thinking about that process parents go through in deciding whether or not to enroll their kids in music lessons. If there are clear and proven benefits to music education, why isn’t every child of a loving and capable parent doing it? What’s holding them back? Is it money, fear of commitment, is the whole process just overwhelming and better ignored than confronted?
On the same premise, why isn’t the adult who always wanted guitar lessons signing up later in life if they have the means? Or why’s the loving spouse hesitant to purchase lessons for his/her partner, even though he or she’s been talking about picking up the fiddle again (or something comparable) for years now. What are they waiting for? What are they afraid of?
Dear readers, I ask you now for your help. I want to hear your comments. I hope that you would take just a couple minutes to think about what may prevent you from taking that leap. What’s holding you back? What are your worries? What are your answers to such questions as:
1) If you’re a parent, what are your fears or concerns that may prevent you from starting your kid in music lessons? Is it money? Unclear benefits? Commitment for you and the kid?
2) If you’re an adult and have always wanted to take lessons, what’s holding you back? Or what’s holding you back from giving the gift to your spouse or another family member?
3) If you have gotten your kid/wife/self started in music lessons, is there anything you know now that you wish you knew before you started?
4) And lastly, if there were some resource that could calm/address/eliminate those fears or concerns, would you be more likely to start those lessons?
And just as important are the opinions of those who don’t even have a dog in the fight – you don’t have to be a parent for your voice to matter in this discussion. If you were a parent, would any of this even matter to you?
Thank you in advance, friends. Your feedback will be invaluable research for a new project; one in which I hope can make a real difference in the creative lives of anyone who cares about music. I look forward to your comments below!
Twitter Updates
I have met many people when I play that say “I always wanted to…”. They state they are either too busy, feel it’s “too late”, or don’t believe they are capable of making music. I like to tell them I started at 51…it’s never too late..I just learned to play harmonica last year at the age of 55. I, like you, played music since I was 5, and I was encouraged throughout different times in my life to pursue it. I was in the choir, and music class in school. My brother was active and still active in music today. I believe the opportunities are there in church and school, still, for young children.
The arts always take a back seat in education, are the first programs to be cut, yet the arts enhance any experience and life is dull without them. Perhaps on a personal level money is an issue…lessons cost (not that much in the big scheme of things), the cost of an instrument purchase or rental, trying to find the right fit with an instrument…we are such an immediate result oriented society, if we don’t get the instrument right away, we become frustrated and quit. Perhaps some believe it’s frivolous. Perhaps some are more motivated to be involved in sports, only…they believe they must make a choice and don’t realize they can integrate music into their lives.
My dad wanted me, bugged me to get a government job as long as I could remember, I worked in what seem to be a zillion jobs, never thought a career in music was viable…music was perceived only as a hobby…until I woke up to realize that music was my true purpose in life. Money held me back, opinions held me back, I didn’t think I was good enough, was intimidated by all the other talented musicians, and then I actually took the leap of faith in an “encore career” at middle age and found that I was pretty darned good and had something to offer. Just in the nick of time. :~)
Thanks Susan. You’re supporting what I’m already believing to be the case for why we don’t pursue music lessons:
1) money
2) commitment
3) value of music outside of a career
Your feedback is invaluable. Many thanks!
Adrian,
I have been wanting to get Trey started on the piano now for a while. I have searched for teachers that were fairly close to us in Raleigh and was not able to find anyone affordable. I will eventually have all 3 playing, and at $35+ a lesson, $420 (or more) a month isn’t in our budget right now. Lee and I both grew up playing (he still plays every now and then) and believe music education is SO important. Trey went to his first concert this summer (Coldplay) and I watched his eyes light up when Chris Martin played the piano. We’re still looking, and hope that we can start him in the fall, but I have to say money is our obstacle right now. I’m definitely NOT afraid of the commitment, weekly lessons and practicing, although I didn’t always willingly do it, did teach me commitment and responsibility. I was fortunate enough to have a wonderful piano teacher that inspired me.
If we ever move back to Wilmington, you or Redding may have 3 students
I, like many others, am the “I’ve always wanted to…” person. My parents probably didn’t get me involved in music at a young age, because they are not musically inclined themselves. I was very active in sports though, because my dad is. I chose to join the band in 6th grade and really wanted to play clarinet, but the band teacher made me play trumpet because there were already too many clarinets, and I wound up hating the trumpet. It tickled my lips and there was a lot of spit involved (funny now that I work with saliva every day
)
At the present moment, time and money are the factors holding me back. I’m almost finished with school, and once I’m finished I do want to take guitar lessons. But of course, I’ll need to get a guitar, and I’m a little intimidated about buying one without knowing much about them. I should probably start with a used one, but that means I’ll need to know about the condition of it, the strings I suppose, I really don’t know.
Also, although I’m not a parent right now, I do want to be someday, and I’ve always known that I’d get my kid(s) involved in music. I really think it gives them a means of creative expression, as well as helping to expand their overall mental capacity.
I am a lucky one. My parents started me and my siblings with piano lessons in the 2nd grade. I played through 12th grade, but stopped when I left for college and no longer had a piano to play. This was 10 years ago now, and now I’m a “I want to start playing again, but…” person. I recently found a piano on craigslist, which was a hurdle in itself due to cost; but as a graduate student, I suppose time would be the main hurdle now. I have little time in between coursework, teaching and my research to devote each day to practice (I’ve learned only 2 songs since purchasing the piano ~6 months ago). I guess at this point I’m just happy I still remember how to read music, and once I graduate I hope to be able to devote more time to the piano… I am not a parent, but I do plan on piano lessons for my kids when I am. I don’t think I would be turned-off so much by money though; I imagine I will be more intimidated with the process of finding a good teacher that is worth the money.
I’m definitely guilty of saying ” I’ve always wanted to learn to play the _____.” For me, the blank was always filled with guitar. Ever since I was a youngster, I always thought girls with guitars were so badass.
When trying to think of reasons as to why I’ve never actually taken it upon myself to learn, I asked myself.. if it’s always been the guitar, why has it NEVER been the guitar? I took piano lessons when I was younger and played the trumpet in the middle school band. While I enjoyed both of these instruments, as well as the learning process of actually producing an enjoyable sound (sometimes), I guess it boils down to the fact that I wasn’t THAT passionate about what I was doing.
I love music, don’t get me wrong, but keeping at something like playing an instrument, especially in the early stages, takes time, desire and commitment. I’m not sure I had a combination of all of those things at the time. And maybe I still don’t have the combination to this day.
I don’t have any kids, but if I did, whether or not they deemed music lessons as something they wanted to take on would be completely up to them. I’d like to think that as a parent, I would do everything in my power to see my child succeed at something they wanted. If they were passionate about other activities more than learning how to play an instrument, then music lessons more than likely wouldn’t be on the agenda.
Personally, I think my excuse now would be time – but I also think that if I was determined enough to learn and wanted to play the guitar badly enough, I would make the time. I think people will quote a million reasons for why they don’t do things; time, money, commitment, etc., without ever being able to admit… “hmmm, maybe it’s because I clearly really don’t want to.” We could save money, make time & stick with it easily if we really had a strong desire.
I think we hear so many people say “I’ve always wanted to learn to play the ____,” for just that reason – everyone says it, some mean it, some probably say it just to sound more well-rounded, and well, badass, just like a girl with a guitar.
I am personally one of those who “has always wanted to.” So I acted on it. I purchased my first guitar and have been fumbling my way through it for the past 4 or 5 months. When the means become available I plan to take formal lessons, youtube is a great tool but I need one on one interaction. I wish my parents had the foresight to enroll me into music classes but it was something they were not interested in so it didn’t occur to them. I have a passion for music and will before I die master blues guitar. So the answer now is, money. I have taken the first step by buying the instrument and when more funds are available, i am going to invest in lessons.
Thanks Sheena. I wonder why your parents didn’t get you involved with music, even if they weren’t involved themselves. Do you think the whole music lesson world was a little intimidating, overwhelming, foreign for them? And if they had reassurance that you could succeed, and they were provided the benefits for why they should get you involved and how you begin that process effectively, do you think they would have been less or more inclined?
And for you now, if there were a resource that would help you find the extra money, time, and commitment to take those guitar lessons, teach you how to affordably buy or rent one, find a good teacher, and stick with it so you could succeed, would you do it?
Thanks so much Lisa. If I told you that there was an affordable resource that could teach you how to find that extra hour a day (or half-hour) to practice, how to stick with it, and how to get your money’s worth, would it be something that you’d be interested in? I feel like even the busiest of us can find a little extra time to do what we enjoy, but sometimes it takes a little creativity, commitment, and coaching (no alliteration intended).
Thanks so much Cyndal. It sounds to me like it all boils down to commitment for you. It’s definitely a concern — we just have so much on our plates these days that taking on one more activity just seems like too much. Or a waste of money. Is your “fear of commitment” (and I’m just calling it that — it may not be a fear at all) because the benefits don’t outweigh what it would take for you to get your time and money’s worth? And what would it take, do you think, for you to make that commitment? If someone could help you with that, and finding the time, and showing you the benefits, would you be more inclined to do it?
And yes, girls with guitars are badass. And HOT.
Thanks so much, Dave. Is there anything you know now that you wish you knew before you bought that first guitar and headed down this journey? Are there things that you think could have helped you succeed more than what you already have?
Congrats on getting that first guitar and doing it, man! It’s a fun ride and takes a while, but I wouldn’t trade my music for the world.
Hmmmmmm, with me I was always interested in music, and involved with music. It was a wide range for me… from singing in the little church productions at a young age…and hearing many different types of music growing up, i was just mesmerized by the whole process and art of music. My grandfather used to play fiddle/violin, but I was to young to recall him ever playing…but i always remember seeing them hanging up in their house and thought it was cool. Then of course i became the band nerd.. in 7th grade starting out on Trumpet and loving it cause a good friend of mine’s brother played it. Once high school came around and i was submerged into Marching band…pretty much every day from August through November or later was music, music, music…practice, practice, practice. Plus after marching season was symphonic season.. and i was one of 3 trumpets in our church orchestra… so 6 days a week…(sometimes 7 during marching competitions) I was playing my trumpet, A LOT!
I tried taking Piano lessons as a kid, cause I could always picture myself playing great songs of some sort…for some reason. BUT I quit after a few weeks cause I was bored of the same scales, and cheesy songs…I wanted to go faster and move forward.
I haven’t played my trumpet in YEARS, but wont get rid of it.
For me I guess it would be a mesh of commitment and time. It seems like i always have so much going on , even though I can practice or pick it up anytime I want to.
I do wish sometimes I knew how to play piano more than i do… or used to. I think that is a money thing..because I know i would have to get lessons, plus i don’t own a Piano here so i couldn’t practice.
I know I keep my trumpet in hopes one day if i have a family, I have an accessible way to get the kids interested or involved in music. My 2 year old niece is in “kindermusic” so I get to play around with her when I watch her. ( I suppose i could use her piano I bought her for her birthday to practice, even if it only has 20 keys…and isn’t very big)
I have always been drawn to everything musical…but TIMING, PATIENCE, and MONEY seem to get in my way.
Hope my rambles help answer your thoughts and questions.
Great post Adrian and thank you for addressing this very important issue.
I like you was fortunate enough to have a violin put into my hands in Kindergarten. My parents knew the value of music education because their parents had afforded them the same. Both of my parents grew up playing the piano and my great grandmother (who I barely knew) was an excellent pianist and church musician.
As a music teacher today I find that the two biggest obstacles keeping people from getting their kids involved in music lessons are commitment and money. I think it’s amazing how much the American work ethic (so to speak)
has changed since we were kids just 25 or so years ago. People feel that they are so over extended and the idea of driving across town once a week and 30 minutes of daily at home practice is just too much. I think sports are a lot easier for most parents to deal with. Of course you still have to deal with the financial part of it. However, it seems for most parents nowadays that the idea of dropping a kid off at soccer practice for an hour 3 days a week is much less daunting physically and (possibly mentally) than helping the child practice an instrument at home 5-6 days a week and the lessons too. Occasionally I have students/ families in my studio who’s level of commitment is the same as what we experiencedin Lorraine’s studio growing up but they are unfortunately the exception and not the rule.
The whole process makes me feel so thankful for my parents dedication to the music education of their children. My parents had 4 kids to clothe, feed, help with homework, give baths to etc and they still fit the music in for all of us.
I realize that it’s a big expense but it’s one that is vital. My parents again somehow financed the music lessons for 4 kids on one source of income. The funny story is that in 1983 when my brother and I started violin lessons and my older sister was already in piano the interest
rates on home loans were at an all time high. My dad was a homebuilder and few people were buying new homes and my mom was a stay at home mom. Somehow they still made it possible
for all of their kids to take music lessons (piano and a stringed instrument) and be on the swim team too. I wish more people today had that sense of dedication.
I was very active in sports and dance at a young age. I always wanted to take piano lessons but I think my parents figured that it wasn’t worth the investment, or worried that i would just get bored with it, as i did with dance. I took guitar lessons once in high school, not sure why i didn’t follow through with it now. And i would still love to play the piano but money is the main issue.
Without a lot of intuition on how or when to go about getting my kids (ages 3.5 and 1.5) music lessons, we've been opting for the music "appreciation" push. I originally thought our attempts bombed with our older son. He seemed surly and refused to participate for all but the last five minutes of his toddler-parent music class – the part where we threw sheer multi-colored scarves into the air with the music. And once he got excited, it was time to go home. However, now that he's a year older, I'm realizing that he probably got more out of it than we realized, since he loves to sing and dance in the privacy of his own home rather than more "extroverted" settings.
My youngest son has always cottoned to music, even noticeably so as an infant. Our "sacred time" this past school year has been our music class, the same one that rendered Rowan a "Music school drop-out… No graduation day…" And our second child, also being more of an extrovert, seems to enthusiastically enjoy our toddler-parent class. Besides that, I basically force all sorts of music upon them at home and in the car. Not just that saccharine kid stuff, but a wide range. And their father, Greg, frequently plays his guitar around them and (other than the time Rowan cut his baby finger on a metal string) has never discouraged them from playing with or playing on his guitar, which greatly impresses me because I'd be nervous about them breaking something.
But wait, you had questions… Okay, I first have to figure out how old they are and at what age is truly appropriate for them to start learning music. And then I have to pick an instrument, and what if I pick the wrong one? How, oh how, will I know? I quit the piano in great frustration because the road from middle C to playing every song on the radio took a bit more patience than I was ready for, but what if I had picked another instrument and loved it?! In most cases, I am sure we could find a way to overcome the expense, but one question I may have as we go is – When do you know you should let your kid decide to call it "quits" and when do you make them continue so that they can see the reward of all of their work? And then there is difference in teaching methodologies – which one is better? And how do you find a good teacher? I wish every community had a well-known place to find listings of various music teachers. Or maybe most do, and the "well-known" part is what is lacking… So, Adrian, please write a book that answers all of my questions and point us all in the right direction, and my boys will play you a symphony!