Last night I was having a quiet evening drinking a glass of wine with an old friend when she turned to me and asked me why I haven’t updated my website in a while. For most sane people that wouldn’t be a big deal. For us, not so much. We’ve made an art out of pushing each other’s buttons over the years. I’d say we could make an Olympic sport out of it, but then we’d fight over who got to wear the gold medal and sing his/her respective national anthem. But I can honestly say without question that she probably knows me as well, if not better, than anyone in my life. Faults and all. Especially the faults. And she loves to point them out. . . . But I usually deserve it.
Unfortunately, our shared past makes it tough sometimes to start conversations like this with each other. Usually a question like this starts with both of our hackles raised and ends 10 minutes later with something broken; usually either my will or the dam holding back her tears. (I exaggerate but only slightly). But last night was different. She was smiling and sweet and disarming.
Maybe it’s because she’s new to this blogging/website world too (more on that later) and was feeling a sense of empathy. Maybe she was relaxed from the wine. Or maybe she just didn’t want to argue with me (I don’t believe that one for a second). But for whatever reason, her approach worked, and I didn’t feel defensive enough to argue. Plus I was already running out of good excuses to answer her question. I’ve already used alien abductions, the draft, and being deported several times by now. I’m not even kidding.
“What are you scared of?,” she asked.
“I’m not scared of anything,” I said. And I meant it, I really did. And then. . . I really thought about it.
Why don’t we update our blogs like we should? Why don’t we share our art, or music, or words? Why don’t we stand up for what we believe at all times? Why don’t we act on our crazy ideas, even if we truly believe that they’ll make a difference in people’s lives? . . . What are we scared of?
We’re scared that someone will laugh at us. . . . And we don’t. even. realize it.
The brilliant Seth Godin articulates this clearly in his newest book, Linchpin. We’re scared to put ourselves out there because it recalls our worst fears growing up. Our biggest fear as children is now showing up in our creative lives as adults. Only this time, it’s keeping us from doing what we need to do. It’s really no more rational now than it was then, but this time, there are consequences.
Godin says that “The enemy of creativity is fear. . . . [and] in the long run, the enemy of fear is creativity. I’m sure of it.”
Creativity and fear make strange bedfellows. One hogs the sheets while the other freezes. One snores while the other wraps its head in pillows to silence the noise. One might even be a bedwetter.
It’s time for one of them to go sleep on the couch. The decision on which one does, is always our own. Every. Single. Night.
Check out Sara’s new blog. She’s an uproariously funny writer, a terrific artist, and one of the most brilliant minds that I know. And by the way, any resemblance to me, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
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Well done, as always, Adrian! The art, music and words we produce are so interwoven with who we are, not just what we do. So putting them out there is certainly an act of vulnerability; and one you seem to be performing with aplomb.
If we put our art, music, words – all derived from who we are – out there the assumption is we do so because it’s important to us. But, what if it’s not important to the receiving audience? Then is it an affront to our importance? Our relevance? That’s scary, dude! So glad you are refusing to compromise creativity for fear and that you are sharing your process.
Andrea, I just wanted to say again how much I appreciate you taking the time to read my stuff and especially for your friendship. You’re a remarkable person.